Guidelines to Movie Night at the Cullens
by veggielatineer
Summary: This is a helpful guide of what not to do while watching a movie at the Cullen's. It teaches by not only giving distinct instructions, but also by giving examples of what happens when the guidelines are not adhered to.


**Author's Note: Hi!! Alright, so this is a story I thought might have potential, and I stress the word might. It is supposed to be funny, but might turn out just to be stupid, I don't know. So, I was hoping that you would atleast read to the end and review to tell me if you liked it atleast a little, or if you hated it with every fiber in your being. **

**Guidelines to Movie Night at the Cullens**

It was Friday night. This Friday night was nothing special, nope, just an ordinary Cullen movie night. These movie nights were a long standing tradition, okay well maybe not that long, since movies have not been around for very long, but that is beside the point. Anyway, before Cullen movie night it was Cullen musical night (in which all of the Cullen's would dress in their best and perform a musical. This tradition, however, has been abandoned after a scarring experience in which Emmet was forced to wear a tutu.) Before Cullen movie night it was Cullen game night, that tradition has been abandoned though, because vampires can be very competitive (one such night included Edward chasing Jasper around the world three times for cheating while playing UNO). There was nothing before Cullen game night, unless you want to include Volturi paint-a-thon nights, but ever since a good old Carlisle left to pursue his "vegetarian" lifestyle, the Volturi are no fun. Sure Aro might try to introduce crossword night, or sudoku night, but with out Carlisle the Volturi really have no life. Besides, when Jane gets mad at you for "Stealing" her idea for her artwork, she uses her "formidable gifts" against you.

Back to the point, it was Friday, Cullen movie night. Wait, maybe there is one more thing a person should know about movie night. You should NEVER, under any circumstances talk to a vampire while they are watching a movie. These circumstances include, but are not limited to: the house is burning down, there is a murderer in the house, a tornado is heading this way, or the crazy revenge seeking vampire Victoria is here. Even though vampires have super sensitive hearing, and even though they might not be able to contain random outbursts, you must never talk to a vampire while you a watching a movie.

Alright, back to the story. It was Friday, movie night at the Cullen's. Tonight, the Cullen's were watching the not-as-great-as-the-Broadway-version _Phantom of the Opera_. This was Bella's first Cullen movie night, and Edward had just explained to her not to talk during the movie. He listed possible scenarios (excluding the one about Victoria) and after he thought Bella understood, he took her inside. Now, Bella thought it was a little odd for vampires to care if someone were to talk through a movie, because they do have awesome hearing, but she shrugged and let that go by. Bella, however, was a little worried because she had this nasty habit of commenting about the movies as they went on, but decided she could kick the habit for Edward. This was easier said than done.

_Phantom of the Opera_, had just started, and it was not even five minutes into the movie, when Bella had a question.

"Who is that other lady? I mean is it—" She was cut off in the middle of her question be a sour Rosalie.

"Edward" Rosalie hissed, "I thought you explained to Bella that she is not su—" but then Rosalie was cut off by an enraged Jasper.

"Rosalie no talking during—" but sadly Jasper was cut off by Rosalie

"I wasn't talking, it was Be—" then Rosalie was cut off by Alice.

"You were talk—" then Alice was cut off by Emmet, who was cut off by Alice, who was cut off by Jasper, and soon the whole room was roaring with angry vampires about who started talking, who was talking, and who needed to stop talking. This went on for around ten minutes until Carlisle silenced everyone.

"Enough" he roared, and everyone turned to look at him, "No talking" that silenced everyone, and they turned back to the television. The movie was uninterrupted until the song "All I ask of You" when Bella started crying. Rosalie shifted uncomfortably in her seat, pursing her lips trying not to say anything. Edward looked uncomfortable, like he was trying to decide whether or not he should speak to comfort Bella, and break the house rules. Soon, however, Bella's crying turned into sobbing, and all of the vampires were shifting very uncomfortably in their seat. Edward could not take it anymore, because he vowed he would never see Bella uncontrollably sob after they left Volterra, so he broke the silence, "shh, it's okay" and then the uproar started again.

Soon all of the vampires were fighting again, yelling, screaming. At one point the house was shaking with the volume of the fight. Once again everyone was silenced by Carlisle.

"Now Bella," Carlisle started to explain, "I need you to understand that there is absolutely no talking during movies, do you understand this?"

Still sniffling Bella made a reply, "Yes"

"All right, then let's resume the movie" Carlisle announced. He went back to the couch where Esme pushed resume play. Alice sat back down on the love seat beside Jasper. Rosalie was back on a small portion of Emmett's lap, and Bella was sitting on Edward's lap on the floor in front of the couch.

Fortunately for Bella, she could contain herself for the rest of the movie. She almost let out a slight cry of sadness when Christine left the Phantom for Raul, but managed to stop herself.

The credits then came up onto the screen, and Bella made to get up, but was restrained by the ice cold arms of Edward. She turned around to ask a question, but didn't when she saw the same look on his face that was there through out the whole movie. The look that said, "The movie is on, NO talking!"

After the last credit rolled across the screen, and the music stopped, all of the vampires were once again animated. Bella got up, sore from sitting through the whole movie. She got up and stretched as she walked around the room.

"So," she said, testing to make sure that no angry vampires would launch at her if she spoke, no one reacted, so she continued, "that was a good movie" Every vampire in the room froze, Bella, however, did not seem to notice. "I thought the casting was all wrong though"

This started the roar of angry voices. Bella had just committed the unspeakable. The only thing worse, to a vampire, than talking through a movie, is talking about the said movie afterwards.

**Please review and tell me if you want me to continue with this story, or if you think it is a blemish on the fanficiton site, and should be removed at once. **


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